Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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