that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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