peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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