it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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