I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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