If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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