I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
