i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
