so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
