She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
