Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
