She is in my trunk
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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