My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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