I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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