you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
