I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He told me they were just razor bumps!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
