I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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