dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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