This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My life is pants optional.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
