i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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