I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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