Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
