my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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