She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
if only i could text you this smell
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
