we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
