Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
