clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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