I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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