just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize