Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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