You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
