And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
