You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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