Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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