I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize