i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
