Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
