Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize