im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We're too hungover to prance.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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