I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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