i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
