you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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