maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
