My friends, they love my intelligence
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
