Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you inspire me to be a worse person
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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