Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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