I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
