At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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