Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
