Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
