I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
