Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
