Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
