You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize