I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
