I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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