i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
