So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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