cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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