I'm gonna have a badass scar
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
