i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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