Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
