it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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