Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
