did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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