Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
