No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
