And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
