dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize