Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
