we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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