can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
