Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
